Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Lord Have Mercy On Crabmommy

I'm feeling besieged by Christians this week.

Now I know some of you are Christians out there and even some of my best friends are Christians, so the saying goes. But I am fed up with Jesus' peeps all the same.

So I just joined the BlogHer Ad network and thought I should click on their blogroll to support my fellow BlogHerians...except that I clicked on someone's blog and was treated to a post in which a natural-birth-endorsing mom explained that women experienced labor pain as a payback for "(wo)man's sin." C-sections, breech babies, all of these things did God give unto us for being bad. Such a loving God!

Okay, replying to such absurdity is too easy. But reply I did. Only to be accused of making a "personal attack" and then being referred to a passage in the Bible in which God sternly gives Eve labor pain and a husband to rule over her because of that naughty apple business. I never have understood why Christians direct non-Christians to a book they don't believe in, but then again, whoever said any of it made any sense. I'm probably going to get kicked out of BlogHer now for not supporting a sister or something. But what is the line between inappropriate and appropriate when it comes to responding to someone's personal moral high-handedness that they make public on their blog?

Just last week I went on holiday with my family to a dude ranch that turned out to have a distinctly Born-Again flavor. Pamphlets about our Lord abounded, nobody drank (which I had innocently thought to be a sign of Mormon management...no such bloody luck) and the whole event was tainted with a whiff of piousness.

Christians, you surround me here in Wyoming. I wish I could quit you. But you are everywhere. You also seem to dominate the blogosphere. In fact, many of my readers are Christians of one sort or another and I think many of you are Mormons too. Please don't leave me, Mormons. I like your crowd. Your men are mostly very hot. I was in love with a Mormon once. He became an alcoholic after his mission and it didn't diminish his appeal in the slightest. Mormons, do not quit the Crabmommy. Many of you are stylish and I have questions for you. Do you really drink Mountain Dew all the time or is that a myth? Why is Jesus coming to Missouri of all dull places? I mean, why not Las Vegas? Mormonmommies, if you stay I promise not to mention John Krakauer.

Christians, I'm feeling a little less generous. I know we're all meant to be tolerant of others' religions but until people are tolerant of my atheism, I'm not sure I can extend the courtesy. There's plenty of evidence around us to suggest that a belief in God gets us into a bit of a global pickle. Monotheism...not a good idea in the not-so-humble opinion of Crabmommy.

But mostly, in the end, I am just plain feeling surrounded by God's people. Has anyone else noticed the proliferation of Christian mommy blogs? Why? Is the explanation the old "go forth and multiply...and then blog about it"? Christian homeschoolers with 20 kids (who feel joy in the morning), natural birthers who see a direct link between pitocin and original sin...you gals are everywhere.

And mainly I resent you because you get way more traffic than I do.

27 comments:

Portia said...

AMEN! (just kidding) i am a Christian but not the sort you speak of here...i feel suffocated by anyone who imposes their beliefs on others, and have many friends and relatives that are atheists. i applaud you (all) for making your own decisions, for whatever reasons.
this is my first visit. (found you on an adlink on 4thavenueblues.) i love your bold writing style and sense of humor. i hope it's alright if i link to you & stop back by sometime.
:)

Apples On A Stick said...

I am a mormon and the only beef I have is that you do not seem to include us in your definition of Christians (which we are).

BUT, on the note of your reading a blog post about original sin/labor punishment thing-y (you've totally got me curious now as to whom you were reading!) the joy of blogging is that you don't have to read it.

I, like you would be irritated about someone responding with bible quotes as well- and I believe the bible to be a scripture. I had a woman leave negative feedback for me on ebay because of a mistake that she had made, when I emailed her regarding it she told me she would pray for me and my soul. I found it condescending and rude.

anyway, I have now lost all semblance of reaching a point in this comment. So I'll quit now.

Crabmommy said...

I love Christians now! After Portia and Apples both had the good humor to stay friends with me, I think Christianity just got a reprieve. Apples, yes, I know Mormons are Christians but the Jesus part sort of gets lost in the whole Joseph Smith thing for those of us on the other side. At least i always thought JS more important to Mormons than JC...no?

Portia, WELCOME and please DO link to me at any time. Feel free to stop by my other blog (at Cookie magazine) too, which you will find to the right of my posts, scrolling down. ( I call it the bloglet.) Plug plug plug, she never stops plugging. But it is my job so I need new readers!

Thanks all for being good sports, especially the Christians in my circle. Glad to have you.

pinks & blues girls said...

Love that last line!

Yes, when I first started reading blogs, I was very surprised that blog after blog after blog was Christian-themed. I honestly make a point - not only in blogging, but in life - to not get into religion or politics (for no other reason than because I like being cliche). I think it does have something to do with the fact that many are stay-at-home-moms who like to connect with others like them.

I don't pretend to have the answers to anything, so it's just not "me" to go around telling everyone what they're doing wrong and why. So I try to stay away from anything overt (like that one you encountered) - Christian, Jewish, Muslim, athiest or otherwise.

Can't we all just get along? I've answered that question for myself a long time ago - and unfortunately the answer is NO!

Oh well...

Jane

grunnio corocotta said...

Yeah I was going to say the hard distinction between Christian and Mormon doesn't really stand up to nonpartisan scrutiny, but apples beat me to it. I suspect Protestant is a better word than Christian for what you mean (and tell me I wasn't right before about "Rodeo" Report, hmm?), but anyhoo ... Two other thoughts:

I was raised Protestant (in least-churched Portland, no less), and even as a kid I could never understand why they taught us snappy Biblical comebacks to wield against the allegations of unbelievers. The best I can do after a couple decades of reflective apostasy is to figure that it's a kind of Lord of the Rings fantasy: when the returned King pulls out his sword, all the good people are supposed to begin singing with joy at the sight, and all the bad people are supposed to be like "Oh shit, he's got a sword!" Whereas a snappy Bible comeback isn't a sword, and most of the "bad" people are really just normal people watching the whole thing in awkward embarrassment ...

Second thought is that while I guarantee your Christian mommy blogger doesn't spend a lot of time thinking about Calvin, I'm also convinced that you don't walk that road without a deep, abiding preoccupation with the signs of grace; and I sincerely can't think of a lonelier, more anxious place to be than in the shoes of a new mother watching her child and herself for a sign of those signs. I was going to make a crack about issuing one single Mommy Merit Badge with the text "I'm Being Judged Right Now," but it's not especially funny.

Crabmommy, on the other hand, is funny. And if monotheism isn't your bag I'm trying to imagine what sort of polytheism animates the Crabtheon (Naranjub, vengeful god of orange gummies)?

MommyKnows said...

I'm outta here!

You've gone too far this time.

All the slapping, hiding in your bedroom, Julie bashing, playground rating / judgement, redneck (and eastern european, mexican) bashing, badge wearing, cowboy oggling, banana packaging ridiculing is getting me DOWN.

Not ... I'll be back for more!

Agnostic MK!

bklynmom said...

oh Crabmommy I have to admit my own Christian leanings too and to the fact thet I have family members who border on the scary christians that you write of but I too quake in my boots at being equated with the "childbirth is our punishment" school of thought abd have no need to cinvince peopel of my belief since I am not 100% sure what they are anyway.

Having said that I fell lucky to be a 2 times natural birthing mom (my first natural birth was zen like and wonderful but bloody hard work and the second natural birth had me minutes away from screaming for drugs).
I know with utmost certainty that those ladies who claim the pain is because of the whole apple thing have been deluded that by a bunch of men. Added to this they probably had some doctor trying to convince them to lie on their backs with a monitor on their bellies while they try to push a large child out of a small hole.

what I think of homeschooling moms and their blogs - maybe they are really bright talented women who once again have been deluded that their life's meaning is going to be tied up in breeding and raising kids. They need to express something from the confines of their restricted selves somewhere, so hre we all have it on the blogosphere.

Jessica said...

I just found your blog, and just started blogging myself, and was really surprised at the number of Christian-based blogs I come across. While I am happy for people who feel like their religion of choice has provided so much for them, I think that pretty much anyone, in any faith, who pushes their beliefs on someone else is over-stepping some boundaries.
Anyway, that's my 2 cents, for what its worth.

bklynmom said...

excuse the terrifying numbr of spelling and gramatical errors in my comment - too much beer with dinner, too late at night and some hasty writing. Sorry to sully your blog Crabmommy, I know you are a grammatical genius....

Anonymous said...

I think the reason so many Christians like to blog is because they are lonely. Blogging has given them a way to connect with others who believe the way that they do. I am very lonely because most of the young Christian moms my age live far away. The internet has given me a way to make some new friends.

-Zan

Crabmommy said...

Zan, you raise a good point about loneliness and blogging. It certainly does connect us to our people, whoever they may be. Seems more and more of us feel far away from the people we really connect to. In your case, Christians, and in my case, heathens! Maybe we should trade homes!! Christians are abundant where I live. :)

Apples On A Stick said...

crabmommy, to answer your question re: JC vs. JS really there is no comparison. Jesus Christ is at the center of our faith and entire plan of salvation. Joseph Smith was simply a Prophet and yes we certainly revere our Prophets (I suppose one might draw the conclusion that it is similar in nature to the feelings the Catholics have for their Pope). Of all Prophets Joseph Smith gets more attention because he was the first Prophet in this dispensation and is believed to be the one who restored the proper Priesthood again.

Now, please know, I am answering your question because you asked. I do not want to get into theological debates with anyone. I am very much of the mind "to each his own". I try very hard to respect others and their beliefs regardless of how they fit into my own belief system.

Amanda said...

Thank you for clarifying JS and JC, Apples. You are a very good sport and our very favorite Mormon here at Crabmommy. We will respect your wishes and not ask you any more questions about your religion. (I am still dying to know more about Mountain Dew and Mormons but maybe I will just ask dooce?). As always, thanks for visiting. I think you do Mormonism great credit by remaining a friend of the Crabmommy.

crabmommy said...

whoops. I posted for some reason as someone called "amanda". But apples, that was Crabmommy speaking in the last comment.

Apples On A Stick said...

I hate Mt. Dew, I detest the stuff. However my step-mom loves it. I don't think it is a drink of choice among the LDS. If anything I think maybe Diet Coke among the women (but then really I am making a gross stereotype!).

I am happy to answer questions, but I will not debate doctrine with people.

crabmommy said...

Apples, you are our resident MormonMommy Expert at Crabmommy and I so accord you that title with all appropriate rewards and plaudits pertaining thereto.

I promise to allow nobody to debate doctrine with you. They can ask about soda. But there will be a firm line. You will be protected here. On my honor. You are my longtime friend here at CM. And I am grateful to have you around.

Anonymous said...

The only thing more abundant than Christians blogging on the internet, are athesiest's blogging about Christians on the internet.

Hypocrite

crabmommy said...

whoa there, anon! Why am I a hypocrite for pointing out the abundance of Christian bloggers on the net? It's just an observation. It's not a statement meant to imply that there aren't atheists on the net blogging about that too. Mind you, I haven't seen many of them, and I HAVE seen many Christian blogs, as have many of my readers. To be even more tot he point, I have been mommyblogging a while now and I have yet to come across the abundant atheist-mommy blogs out there that I assume you have found? Please do share!!

Stepmozzy said...

Hi Crabmommy. I really really love your blog. Do you mean that you are athiest or agnostic? I have friends of all religious backgrounds, and honestly at this point, I kind of put athiesm and born-again christians in the same basket. Both are convinced their way is RIGHT. Isn't it just illogical to say God for sure exists and he is like THIS and THIS; as it is to say for sure God doesn't exist? How about God may or may not exist, I'm not thinking about that right now because I'm too busy changing diapers/cleaning vomit? That's kind of more agnosticism.

Crabmommy said...

Stepmozzy, you say very sensible things about atheism and agnosticism. I don't want to get too peppery about it all here, since I have SWORN to get back to writing about spanking and Gummi bears, but...no I am not an agnostic. I once was, but now I am basically a-theistic. Not into monotheism. Not into polytheism either, come to think of it. No sort of theism do I entertain in my realm of after-life possibilities.

Buddhism is the only religion that doesn't bother me, but I can't call myself a Buddhist. I can barely even make it through one yoga class, let alone mindful zazen.

In short, I believe in NO god9s) quite definitively. And oddly enough, one can be quite cheerful in spite of having this nihilism as your "spiritual" center.

If I were to be very very honest and daring, I could say that I have thought about adopting a new personal slogan on the subject of religion: "intolerance is the new tolerance." After all, religion has incited quite a few skirmishes of late and we're all along for the ride whether we believe in Allah, Jesus, or nothing at all.

But if I DID adopt that as my personal stance up here, I would lose all my blogpals. So I won't say that. Instead I will say that here at Crabmommy do I tolerate one and all SO LONG AS they have a sense of humor. A sense of humor -- that's as close to what I worship as it gets.

Thanks all for posting comments. Religious forum can stay open...or it can come to its perhaps more rightful close. I will soon post something that has nothing to do with Christians and everything to do with double-wide trailers. Confused? Stay tuned.

Karen said...

Crabmommy,
For what it's worth, no one gets less traffic than the big bad buddhistmommy, boo hoo.
I love your stuff.

Anonymous said...

http://www.atheists.org/nogodblog/

http://atheistrevolution.blogspot.com/

http://www.ravingatheist.com/

http://www.agnosticmom.com/

blah blah blah.
You are not a minority.

Crabmommy said...

Anon, thanks for those urls! It's great to know I'm not alone. Not to put to fine a point on it but I see there you only drummed up only ONE specifically MOM-inflected atheist blog. That was the key point of my discussion -- that out of the many mommy blogs out there, there is a healthy dose of Christian mommy blogs. There is not a healthy dose of atheist-mommy blogs. That's all I was saying...just observing a phenomenon, which has in fact been corroborated on this site by many a Christian mom.

In the end, as we have all noted, we blog to find community. I am glad my community here includes atheists, Mormons and other Christians, as well as those of other persuasions who all have in common that thing called a sense of humor. I am lucky to have such readers and I value them one and all.

Lela Davidson said...

You are my hero. I will try to be you when I grow up! I have not noticed this phenomena. Most blogs I run across are more of the Cuss Mommy variety. Now what do you suppose that says about me? Hmm... Thanks for the honesty.

L.A. Daddy said...

LA Daddy was the son of a preacher woman, hence I feel your pain. I try to stay away from arguing with anyone anymore.

Whenever I get a knock on the door, I tell 'em they're barking up the wrong tree. Been there and done that.

L.A. Daddy said...

Oh, yeah - love the blog. You rock my world. Thanks for the lookup.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

Does it count if a Christian marries a jewish boy? would you still want me around than? :)
A lutheran by choice of my parents, by the time I had enough sense, I was raised..and as creatures of habits we go to what we're comfortable with...I think it's fabulous that you can be honest with your beliefs...and I can't stand Jules Agner..I laughed my Christian ass off the day a newsweek blurb said that BABY EINSTEIN TOYS aren't as developmentally positive as parents thought..well, duh! Give a kid a box and I'd call that creative too.

Geesh.
It's been awhile since I've been here. I had you linked for quite sometime, but then your site kept coming back on an error-No clue..must be my mind being clouded by the fights of the faith of myself and the faith of my husbands-the jewish guy. :)
When I saw your link on my pal Portia's blog I was all happy.
SO, yea!! Crusty's back!!
Always,
Crusty~
:)
The Crusty Christian that promotes CoExIsTence from everyone!! Just ask Portia, she'll tell ya.