Thursday, September 27, 2007

Imitation Crab...and So Much Threeness

Crabtot is officially 3.

It is finished.

No, it's not. After the festivities at preschool (Mommy brings cupcakes! Let's decorate them with icing! Why aren't the twits eating my cupcakes? Why don't kids seem to actually eat the bloody things?! I just broke my wrist flogging that icing into stiff creamy Nigella-perfection...but WHY?) ...Then there is still the party to come, this weekend, 7 tots in this prefabricated mini-house, where we shall engage in a DANCE PARTY and once again I will be making cupcakes, with Hello Kitty faces!)

Dear God, make it stop.

But the Tot cuteness, oh! I tried to avoid this (see my satirical birthday newsletter at the bloglet) but here goes...a pinch of yumminess to be shared, after all, and in spite of my own crabby self and my blogocratic oath not to be celebratory on here:

Crabtot on her birthday morning, standing at the mirror:
"Look, Mom! My eyes are growing up!"

And later:
"I am three. I am three. There is so much threeness..."

Do you not just wish to pinch this poppet? And pluck it? And eat it? On a roll? With mustard?
These are rhetorical questions. Who wouldn't like to devour a delicious Crabtot-cutlet!


A friend of mine thought to ask me what imitation crab is made of. I of all people should know this. But I don't.

And while I could go and look it up, I feel I'd really rather not. It's more fun to see its ingredients in my mind's eye, a whiteness comprised of equal parts rubber cement and whitefish with a veneer of red real-crab stripy meatstrings applied, and a dash of authentic crab juice spritzed sparingly thereon. It is then molded into a plastic claw shape. And when it has set, false crabjuice is liberally smeared over all.

That's my version of imitation crab. Anyone actually know what this stuff is made of, though? This is a key question for our times, and it must be answered.


I have a blogload of new readers, who I am pretending to ignore and my thing the way I always do, with sauciness and effortless suchlike, but really I am hopping glad that Jezebel and Babble and all that massive Crabmommy-pimping out there is netting me such huge new numbers of hits.

Do peruse, new friends, peruse. I may have been indulgent this September, nattering on about Dollar stores and holding competitions for lip balm and such, but really there is real authentic crabmeat in this here blog. Like, just as a random example, here, and here. Mommy-musings of a dark nature. Ruminations on my rural abode and my citygirl's sense of displacement. And of course, shockingly excellent advice about all things tot-rearing-related. And then, it must be said, there is also the meanness. Indeed the crabbing here is loud and abundant.

All this and monthly contest in which you can win prizes from my Dollar store! Crabmommy: It's just plain old one-stop shopping, innit?

OK, enough, enough! I shall bid you all adieu and for those who have asked, do stay tuned for the next post will feature a photograph of Char's Dollar store prize and also tell the dramatic story of what befell it. Thereafter, some sassy crabby words about daddyblogs...


Leann I Am said...

Imitation crab meat is made from a fish called 'POLLACK.' (Or POLLOCK!) The texture is similar and soaks up those crab 'juices' so well. I didn't even have to look it up because I used to know a woman who worked in the meat department at a supermarket and she mentioned it to me once.

Yeah...I need to get out more!

Amanda said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Argh, that was me, people. There is just this chick called Amanda who keeps posing as me and posting comments on behalf of me!

Leann, how did I know you would know about imitation crab?

Thank you for this. It's inspiring to know that someone out ther knows about polloc/pollack...and that now we do too. Blogging: we all learn so much from it!! Cheers!!!!

Daisy said...

In related randomness: my daughter didn't like PBJ sandwiches when she was young (grade 1), so she would pack a couple of imitation crab stix in her lunch box instead.

skape7 said...

We're just about to hit "threeness" in our household too!

Jege (Jen) said...

"I am three. I am three. There is so much threeness..."

God, she is just scrumptious! And you're right, she IS very verbal. Some might say precocious. In any case, you're in for some very creative sassing once she hits her teen years, I'm afraid.

Happy threeness, Crabtot.

Jege (Jen) said...

And as for the imitation crabmeat, I am fascinated/horrified of the thought of the fake crab factory, and images of fake crab slurry slooshing down a flume and into pans, where it hardens, and is rolled into sticks, and red crabcolor is splashed onto it ....tasty.

Unknown said...

FYI: In French it's 'goberge' (which sounds like gobearzhe). If you're somewhere like Quebec, they don't even say 'fake crab' -- just goberge.

Anonymous said...

Cool! I gave you some link love today, too. Well deserved, I must say...

Leann I Am said...

No problem! Before I knew where imitation crab came from, I used to think it was a fish that had been playing charades when it was caught.

"Hey guys, check this out! I do a GREAT CRAB...."

And "HAPPY THREENESS" to the CT as well!!! Three is much more fun than two...for a couple of weeks until they start the DRAMA!!!

Mamma Sarah said...

Ewww... I just looked on Wikipedia's site for more info about imitation crab. Good thing I don't eat this. Here are the links:

Anonymous said...

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Crabmommy said...

Cresce! Delighted to have you with us. It's amazing how well Crabmommy works in...let's see...Portuguese? Just so thrilled to have you on board. So glad my imitation crab was "bem interessante" to you. Am always thrilled to be globally appreciated, even if it is by spam robots!!!

LizLSB said...

Random comment, sorta. I just wanted to tell you I received my Become gift pack, and it's awesome. I love the lip balm, and the samples are nice too. Thanks again!