Wishipedia: Don't You Wish You Were in It?

So I know it's pathetic to Google ex-boyfriends and take the time to follow up on their post-me escapades. But what else should I be doing with my time? Looking after children? Cleaning loos? Exercising? Or reading about how the Dalai Lama feels a "special connection" to George Bush ("like a 'reunion' of families!")!

Googling is much more informative. Especially because it seems to me an awful lot of my exes have been getting up to all sorts of things. One is now a crack dealer and a rapist (and I hate to say it, he's still very handsome, even in his mug shot). One has listed himself on a Russian bride website. (He was Eastern European so I'm sure he's looking for a genuine cultural affiliation). And two of them, I am disappointed to say, have merited their very own Wikipedia entries.

And that bothers me.

When you have to see the name of an ex as chosen by the world (or those weird Wikipedia workers) as a designated important person, it just, you know, tweaks your vibe. Especially when the person profiled is a serious jerk (not you, ex-boyfriend...but YOU. Yes, YOU!) And the other is not a complete jerk but bloody hell if he didn't also go on to succeed amazingly well when he left these arms. Which makes him kind of an actual total jerk.

Basically, I'm just jealous. I want my own Wikipedia entry! Or at the very least what they call a "stub" which means a sort of small bookmarky thing that says you are in fact very important even if we don't really know or care to find out much about you right now. Yes, I want to be in Wikipedia. Don't you? I mean, when you make it there you know you've done more than merely Googled your exes and blogged about Ikea washing lines and bad baby names all the livelong day, eh? All of which leads me to my newest brainwave:

Wishipedia: An Encyclopedia of Important Unknown People in the World

Officially, an invitation for you, dear readers of Crabmommy. Join me in writing your own bio about yourself and the things you have got up to. And if you haven't got up to very much yet, then MAKE IT UP. I give you permission. This is WISHipedia, after all, where wishful thinking rules!

Write me that pithy version of your life story (or invented life, or life you hope one day to get around to living), touching upon all highlights both public and personal.

Then let's put them up on a website called Wishipedia... and maybe others will come and do the same. And then if each of these wishful-thinkers pays me a dollar I will become rich, meriting me a Wikipedia write-up for real. Or at the very least, a stub! I mean, there must be at least one million losers out there who, like me, are waiting for someone to write them into Wikipedia YET ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING THAT MERITS A WIKIPEDIA ENTRY.

If you're one of us, do join!

Wishipedia: coming to a blog near you. I await your stories at crabmommy at gmail dot com. And I will write my own, oh yes indeedy I will. Be prepared, ex-boyfriends, because one day you'll be Googling me...and seeing just how much I prospered and made genius cultural contributions since we parted ways.

Flipping bloody wankers.