Monday, April 28, 2008

Lame Parenting Advice: We Have a Winner!

A hearty thanks to all those who entered the swimsuit competition, sharing your lame parenting advice nuggets with me. Competition was seriously stiff; it's amazing how much utter nonsense we moms are told when we produce spawn: from the bottle mom receiving "breast is best" (Jennifer!) to being told to avoid rounded car seats (Hi, Marina), to being given books that include bits on how to avoid raising a gay son (Bklynmom!). Of course having your crunchy mom-friend suggest a placenta-cake for family noshing is always a sensible tip for the new mama to to take home from the hospital (Hi, Mommyknows!).

Indeedy, I had a good chuckle reading the entries and truly think we should compile a book of these, to give out to family members and friends when people have babies; i.e., Moms' Advice on Bad Advice – a cautionary guide to help those unhelpful ones around us refrain from helping us altogether.

Before I announce the winner, here, for your delectation, is a recap from your comments, a selection of the lamest, most ridiculous advice given to you mamas:

Got to love a lady who tells you colicky crying is just exercise! Nice one, Meg! And Lina, to be told by hookers that your kid needs to cover up! Too much!! Indeed, so many of us have been told to cover up our cold babies. But to be stopped in the grocery and told never to let a kid near the cold stuff without a hat—that's pushing it. Competition got really tight with the next three that I'm going to mention: Pennryoo was advised never to eat in front of a male child unless he's eating too. Too weird for speech! Elizabeth's kindly aunt suggested she tape her baby's ears back every night to flatten them out! Good idea! And then there is Samantha, who was told "a crabby mommy makes a crabby baby." For obvious reasons, this one stuck in my mind; except, Samantha, I thinks she's right. In my case at least. ☺ So that disqualifies you from the jackpot prize which MUST be awarded for the top tidbit of entirely lame-o advice.

Speaking of, while competition was close, one entry still stands out in my mind's eye:
buttrflyty, who shares with us, compliments of her grandma the following:

Women shouldn't hold infants while menstruating because it will give them colic.

Right on, Grams!

So, buttrflyty, email me me your deets at crabmommy at gmail dot com and you shall receive a $100 gift card from Land's End. Everyone else, well done and tune in for the next freebie opportunity.

And for those of you sick to death of my comps right now, yes I know. You want some content here. It returns tomorrow, with installment number 2 of Randomommy, swiftly followed by Grammarmama and an assortment of tidbits that shall not include any hocking, pimping, or otherwise courting the cyber-populace with swag. Not for a few weeks at least.

All this unsolicited advice inspired me to write about a nasty chick who decided to tell me how to mom Crabtot in a restaurant recently. For more, please go to the bloglet for When Parents Attack!


Anonymous said...


i wasn't aware that women shouldn't hold infants while menstruating because it will give them colic.

crabmommy said...


Um. We're not advocating that women shouldn't hold babies while menstruating. The competition was for LAMEST, TOTALLY MOST IDIOTIC parenting advice that you have ever received. In this case, the advice came from the winner's grandmother. We don't advise you take it!

Xan said...

Wow, I just read all of the comments on the previous post and I'm completely flabbergasted at some of those little nuggets of wisdom.

Regarding the comment about potty training children by letting them run around the house diaperless, though, I have to say that's exactly what I did with my daughter and she was trained in three days! It sounds absurd, but every kid is different and it worked for mine. I wouldn't recommend it unless you have a large supply of towels to cover your carpet with, though.

Meg said...

I knew the colicky baby advice would be the one to beat. That was some good ridiculous advice.

crabmommy said...

indeed meg. it was a kicker.
sugarandsnails, glad to have you. I like your blog.

Submommy said...

I somehow missed this little gem, but I'll share my best dubious advice now....

At a party for my IL's friends, the old lady mom approached me, grabbed my arm REALLY TIGHT (like....OW! Let GO!) and said "Don't let them convince you not to breastfeed. Those doctors don't know what they're talking about."

??? Living in the land of whip-out-the-boob-who-cares....this struck me as odd.

Nicole Pelton said...

Thanks for the laughs, those were awesome. I couldn't remember much, although I'm sure I got some doozies. I mostly remember my mom saying "they listen to their doctor" as if doctor was new age guru.