Monday, July 23, 2007

FREE STUFF! July's Momspit Giveaway

As you know I am the mommy who gives and gives and keeps on giving. I give away sunglass accessories, baseball caps, and possibly one day, even a pen from our local bank. You see, when you give away free stuff, people are more disposed to look kindly upon your blogging ways and to tell their friends and their friends of friends and in this way, the word gets out. But mostly I give stuff away because I like to share my own good fortune.

Okay, so in the past we know I've given away some crapola items. But I have something far better for the 3 lucky prizewinners. It is Momspit.

At first I didn't get the reference to Momspit because I am slow, but in the words of its makers, it's a cleaning agent "inspired by the original." As in, when you use saliva to clean off that kiddie face. Instead of using your own momspit, if you're a lucky winner today you can walk away with either a Fig & Green tea flavored Momspit in 7oz or a Lemon & White Tea flavored Momspit in the same size. And for one winner, a deluxe-sized Momspit in the flavor of choice will be given gratis by the good moms over at Momspit. Pack your Momspit handily in your purse and soon, like Crabtot, the kid will ask for a spritz of it too. Thus, instead of smelling like wet dog or burnt toast, your toddler will smell like green tea and figs. Yum!

Basically it's a rinse-free cleaning agent that smells dang fine.

So let's see...post a comment if you want it and I will have Crabtot pull 3 winners from a hat. The winners will email their details to me at crabmommyatgmaildotcom and presto! Momspit in transit!

Meantime I hope all are enjoying a delightful July. Mine has been noteworthy. For example, I saw some Mennonites this week going down our alpine slide. This is a luge which, in summer, you go down on little seats with wheels. Usually it is your standard tourist fare wheeling it down, but last week I was most astonished to see a bonnet squad signing up. There they were, Mennonites going up the chairlift, their men with bowl cuts and oddly happy-go-lucky expressions, the women obviously more modest but still heading down that slope, bonnets filling with air! I stared boldly, disapproving. I mean, isn't it against their religion? First, there's the technology of the chairlift that seems wrong for these techno-shunning peeps, then there's the question of enjoyment. Are Mennonites allowed to have fun? Tell me what you think and I will factor it into the Momspit results.

In other news, Tot and I have been spending time at a local swimming pool connected to Crabgrandpa's vacation condominium. At this time of year Crabtown is infested with young Eastern Europeans who come to work the hotel industry and take over the jobs formerly reserved for Mexicans. This means the pool towel guy is a chap with thin legs in weird shorts, who plays sort of Gothy Polish rock circa 1990s around the pool while his various friends call out to each other, Alex! Igor! and throw their heavy consonants into the alpine air.

Also, this means the deck chairs are likely to be taken up by young girls with heavy Eastern Euro makeup, shiny bikinis and a desultory manner as they take a swim break between shifts of cleaning luxury condos. Also it means the Albertson's grocery store workers are no longer just Mexican but now also from the Baltic climes and they have badges saying "Mariana, Latvia" or somesuch and when you ask, 'Excuse me, do you know where I could find the sauerkraut?" the say, "What is sauerkraut?" and then dismiss you with a disgusted look. Sorry, but I thought Eastern Euros would know about sauerkraut. Don't they know everything there is to know about pickled cabbage-like strands in their zone?

Always with the Albertson's Europeans I feel as though I am interrupting them on a break.

Such are the tribulations of Crabmommy in summer, in our vale of wealth and comfort! Get out of my deck chair, Zlata! Honestly. Life can be tough.

Okay, so if I have been mean and roundly stereotyping, I hereby take it all back and will make it up to you as follows: If you are an Eastern European with Mennonite connections I will guarantee you a bottle of Momspit if you apply.

25 comments:

Leann I Am said...

I WANT MOMSPIT!!! I WANT MOMSPIT!!! I'm sending positive vibes to Crabtot so that her hand my be magnetically drawn to my name...

*giggle*

Patrick said...

ME! ME! I just stumbled on your blog randomly, but I like it and my wife would get a kick out of Momspit.

Mary Wynne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mary Wynne said...

Crabtot if you pick me I promise I will send you chicken nuggets.
Love the blog and NEED Momspit desperately around here.

lace said...

I have been wanting to try MomSpit since I first saw it. Please give me some spit!

applesonastick said...

Alright Crabtot, I'll see May Wynne's offer of chicken nuggets and raise her a bag of gummi bears!

Love the idea of Momspit!

twocrazybees said...

I would love to try out Momspit! I'm not sure what part of having children makes you suddenly start spitting on things to clean them, but I have to say I'm guilty! I love your blog!

grunnio corocotta said...

OK, by way of augury that Crabtot and I are totally on the same wavelength, which will inevitably lead her to draw my name from the Cougar Fund cap, let me pose the following question:

Why do the Gummi Bear people always put in more RED gummi bears than any other color? I just made my way through a giant Costco bag of gummies and I'm morally certain that they stack the deck ... not only is it not fair, it's stupid; red may be the most eye-catching, but it isn't even close to the best tasting: white and, yes, orange are both better flavors than red. Whatever happened to random freaking distribution? I'm outraged, Crabtot, and I know you are too. Pick me.

Gabe said...

wow I used to think you were funny. But after your Mexican/Eastern European rant now I know your actually just kind of mean. Glad my parents did not run into you when they came here from Sicily. Sorry they are messing up your summer and working all the menial jobs your friends kids wanted. So many people confuse snarky with witty, but sometimes it's just ignorant.

Amanda said...

Oh dear, Gabe. It was bound to happen, my offending a reader with my tongue-in-cheekness, but I am sorry you think I am bigoted and want Albertson's jobs for my rich friends. Not so. I'm afraid I am just guilty of that thing called poking fun and I like to think by including myself I show that I'm not above it all. It's easy to poke fun at Alex the towel guy at the pool and since the many lovely Eastern Euros don't make for fun blogging, I picked the other more disdainful ones to take my piddly pot-shots at.If you think I'm offensive best not read anything by Gary Shteyngart. Boy does he dish some at the Eeastern Euros in Absurdistan, his hilarious and offensive and yes, hilarious novel.

Maybe it helps that gary is a Russian. Will you like me again when I tell you I am half-Jewish and my grandparents hail from the Lith of Uania?

Sorry if I lose you, Gabe. I am mostly a nice person. But I also like to be very silly and that is what this post was meant to be all about. But I hear you. It was, perhaps, a bit much. Just for the record, I thought the irony heavy enough on the Mexican menial job reference for one to see how I feel about Crabtown...but maybe not.

Oh well. Glad everyone is at least down for some Momspit. Maybe someone can momspit on me and clean the egg off my face!

I am just the mother said...

Pick me Pick me!!! I have dirty boys who need to be clean!! I dont have enough of my own Mom Spit to go around with three dirty 15 month olds!!

Gabe said...

Ah but Gary Shteyngart is not a blogger babbling on trying to be funny. Should you ever write anything nearly as brillant as The Russian Debutante's Handbook let me know. And every blogger who THINKS they are just writing while they sit around waiting for their book contract makes excuses for their ignorances. I was wondering how long it would take for the...."oh I was just being funny you don't get it post" and there it was. Nice touch with the literary reference cuz being smart always excuses being dumb and the parental immigrant note was a good shot too. Now if only you had camp survivor grandparents it would have been perfect!! I will wait for the relevation your child is an adopted Chinese baby so any Asian stereotypes can also be excused.

Crabmommy said...

Gabe: Indeed I have not written anything as brilliant as a Gray Shteyngart novel and I wasn't implying that I had. As you said, I am just a blogger trying to be funny.

And I recognize that my post could be deemed offensive so one tries to meet the poor humor with better humor in the comment retort. Didn't work. You know, the questions of satire and how to do it are complex and while I am no Gary Shteyngart this is a satirical blog and it's intentions have always been to make fun. Lines can get crossed (good comedy always takes a risk --good writing in general is about risk) but I have never wanted to be mean-spirited and make fun of vulnerable people. I try to make fun of people who deserve it.

I should add that sometimes one forgets that those reading the blog don't know you and tone can be poorly conveyed when one is just blah-blah blogging as I was, and one can come off ambiguously. For example, comments like "Get off my chair, Zlata!" are meant to be read with irony and not straight up as aggressive and xenophobic...but then again, you don't know me, so the joke falls flat.

Continuing in that vein: Since I have spent a fair bit of time here (and on Cookie) satirizing my town and its inhabitants, and I also take some time to make fun of myself too, you start thinking people know you personally and can infer your tone and so perhaps the writing becomes lazy and self-indulgent. I've never been into that kind of blogging, but the medium definitely lends itslef to self-indulgent and lazy writing and to be sure, I slipped into that here.

But the point, Gabe, that you acknowledge with YOUR Shteyngart ref is that if the writing is good enough, making fun is open season. Just as everyone seems to enjoy when I make fun of cowboys. But I think this last post was not good enough and therefore not funny enough. Alex in his shorts by the pool listening to his Polish rock -- I still think it's funny and see no reason not to laugh there. The guy is not a vulnerable defenseless immigrant but a kid on a summer guest-visa and a rude one at that. He's funny.The whole scenario is funny. I tried to convey that idiosyncrasy of the pool scene with the rich Crabtowners and the loud Eastern Euro rock...but I didn't do a good enough job.

I do think these questions of taboo/stereotyping are interesting, though. As a writer trying to be funny they come up all the time for me. Inevitably stereotyping happens (cowboys, mennonites) and as Shetyngart proves in Asburdistan, generalizations can be very funny. I felt the same for the Borat sketches (but I hated the movie, which i thought was mean-spirited and manipulative re. the US joke-butts). In the case of this post, my stereotyping just wasn't funny. So then it becomes offensive.

So I apologize for crossing a line. Or rather, maybe I should apologize for not being properly funny. It's a weak post. I agree. Shall we leave it there?

Gabe said...

yes we will leave it there. i never enjoy when the blogger gets into a back and forth with a commenter. One thinks you doth protest to much. It was not the 'humor' of your pool boy description. it was the blatantly offensive remarks such as...."Crabtown is infested with young Eastern Europeans who come to work the hotel industry and take over the jobs formerly reserved for Mexicans." I really did not see anything to amusing in the references. Perhaps when one feels the need to mention the "Mexicans" from Albertson's more then once perhaps a bit of ones racial/cultural petticoat is showing. And my Eastern liberal lets love all slip is always dangling. I also think I totally deserve the Momspit as the best poster and remember, it is the only substance best deliverd by THUMB.

Crabmommy said...

Maybe it is protesting too much. But the word "infested" is used throughout my blog -- as in "cowboy-infested" compound, mom-infested...etc. Still. I see the point. Not a good sentence.

That said, my mea culpa does not extend to my now agreeing with your assessment and calling myself a racist anti-Mexican, anti-Euro. Sorry, won't do that. Bad writing does not necessarily equal a bad person.

Hopefully someone has got something out of this back-and-forth. I thought it high time I did have one of those back and forth blog convos in the commentary. Since this is my blog, I don't see why I can't comment too, especially when my writing has offended. You can't fix up the post, but you can at least clarify what went wrong. And I, at least, think the question sufficiently interesting to delve into.

Anyhoo. You can be sure I will steer well clear of sloppy attempts at irony and stick closer to mom-turf, with perhaps the occasional Mennonite reference. But only when I'm drunk.

LizB said...

:::zips past all the unpleasant controversy::: I would like some MomSpit, please.

Anonymous said...

I'd like some Momspit! Pick me! Pick me!

Thanks. :)

RK said...

Oh dear, I thought that was nastily funny, taking a nasty nasty jab at the exploitation of casual Hispanic labour, and done with nary a bat of the eye-lid, as one has come to love and expect from Crabmommy. The apparent light tone contains some nice crabby barbs. Read it again Gabe.

Jege (Jen) said...

Recently while on vacation via Amtrak, I saw a whole gaggle of Mennonites traveling from Portland to Wisconsin and.....AND! They were watching portable DVD players. One kid had an ipod. And an older gentleman even had a cellphone clipped to his suspendered trousers. I was flabbergasted. I mean, I knew that Mennonites were much, MUCH more accepting of modern technology than the Amish, but still. Oh, also, the Mennonite young 'uns were eating Cheese Nips from a huge, Costco-sized box.

bklynmom said...

gabe i think you got your nickers in a bit of a knot (as we say from where I come from). Have you not noticed that Crabmom has little reverence for anyone or anything. Isn't that why we turn to her in these dark days?
RK said it so well I won't bother going into more detail....

Hillery said...

Gabe, if you're going to pick apart the writing of others you might first learn to spell. I suspect good grammar would make your immigrant parents more proud that any of your protestations herewith.

Marco said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
crabmommy said...

Peeps, FYI I removed "Marco" from the comments because Marco is a spam robot! Not because he got peppery with me or anything. I 'aint a wussymama...

Marco said...

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Anonymous said...

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Considering the Pats were almost in the Superbowl last season with a pathetic receiving corps and that they've added very talented players into said receiving corps this season, barring some nasty injury(ies), they look to be the team to take it all.I say injury(ies) because I think they could survive an injury or two to some positions, but if they lost Brady they'd probably have a hard time recovering.


I wish I could say that the Redskins did well in the draft and/or in free agency but so many holes still exist that I'm not sure they'll be significantly better than last season. I suppose on face they should be if they can keep their corners healthy. With Landry (argh, hard to type that name as a Redskin!!) back there with a healthy secondary they might be able to cheat up more and put more pressure on opposing QBs. Might.

They still have what should be a lot of talent in the receiving positions, and Campbell should be better, but they don't have the quality on either line (offense or defense) that I wish they'd have, so it could be yet another year of .500 at best, or worse.

Still, the NFC East looks to be the NFC Least again this season. None of the teams there look like they'll be that good, and none really look ready to step up and take the division.

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