Friday, May 18, 2007

Why You Need to Stop Blogging, Crabmom

Crabmom: clickety-click of the fingers, bloggity-blog on the keyboard
She is wearing: Why, her purple blogging robe, of course.
Crabtot: pitter-pat around the C-Mom, chitter-chat and general toddly-talk
She is wearing: A top and no bottoms, as is the way on these splendid summery mornings in Crabland.

Crabtot:
Mom, do you hear the wee-wee bird? (Ever knowledgeable about nature, C-mom has taught C-tot to distinguish our regional bird by its constant cheeping about going to the loo: wee wee...wee wee.)
Crabtot: Mom, can I wee in the flower bed?
Crabmom: Sure, lovey. [clickety-clackety....bloggity-blog...]

No, I heard that part. I am fine about the weeing au naturel. The next bit is the reason I should stop blogging.

Crabtot: Can I wipe with something-or-other?
Crabmom: Hmmm? [clickety-clackety....bloggity-blog...]
Crabtot: Can I...with this...?
Crabmom: Sure, lovey.

Only to discover: The wipe-material utilized was my...one and only CASHMERE sweater!

This is what happens when you blog too much. And Crabtot, if you get used to cashmere toilet paper now, my God, child, how will you ever survive this cruel, cold world?

*Disclaimer: I know I maintain in my Manifesto that potty humor isn't my bag but a) as I have also maintained, I am a hypocrite and b) surely the inclusion of the word "cashmere" adds a certain je ne sais quoi to the otherwise lavatorial nature of the post?*

9 comments:

Vincent Maher said...

LOL that's hilarious!! What happened to the sweater?

Crabmommy said...

I actually contemplated wearing it again since I am the cheapmommy and we all know cashmere only goes to the dry cleaner after at least 3 wearings. But, feeling flush, I threw it onto the dry-cleaning pile.

Mom Tu-Tu said...

Oh my! That is too funny!

MommyKnows said...

What's a little wee-wee between family?

Holy crap crabmommy you are setting yourself up for impending social disaster! DO NOT let the c-tot do her business outside of the bathroom! She is bound to show off this great sense of freedom at some inappropriate place like, perhaps on the top of the beige helix slide or worse at one of the birthday parties you hate.

It will be awful for her to have to go through life with big yellow P on her forehead.

Listen to me CM - because ... Mommyknows! (psst ... I have personal experience)

feener said...

Too funny ! I feel so bad being the computer but i have it right in the playroom and need to check in to keep my sanity ! enjoying your blog

Crabmommy said...

MK, You know I always listen to you. Is the flower-pot really a bad idea? I confine to just one flower-pot.The one with the dead rosemary. I am hoping some C-tot ammonia might revive it.

But hmmm...you are right...come to think of it, since sanctioning the wee wee in the flowerpot, C-tot has been quite keen to drop her drawers elsewhere. So this is a slippery slope, is that what you're saying?

MommyKnows said...

CM,

Very slippery, the only pot she should be peeing in is the potty! ;)

MK

The Histrionics of a Fat Housewife said...

Ah, the life of a mother. As long as it wasn't poop, I wouldn't think a thing of it. Cashmere or acrylic. It all comes out in the wash.

The reason I should stop blogging? My five year old plays "write on my blog and check my email"... for hours... all by herself. And when her brother interupts her, she pretends to put the tv on for him.

Role model that I am and all.

Funny blog, btw!!

Crabmommy said...

Welcome new peeps to the C-Mom spectacle. MK, as always, your sageness is astounding. It floats over the great Canadian plains and into this home. In short, I am now encouraging the tot NOT to drop drawers even for the flowerpot. It has indeed made nonchalant drawer-dropping at the supermarket a fun new part of grocery shopping.