On this website I will never: *speak of the enchanting constant joy and transformative wonderment of motherhood *dispense little nuggets about what my child has taught me *tell any mom to stop and smell the diapers "because it all goes by in the blink of an eye" *make jokes about bowel movements and baby body fluids (because it's not my thing and it can be found abundantly elsewhere) *use the word "miracle" *count my blessings *chart my child's developmental milestones *seem to be in a good or grateful mood *be mean about my friends or family because they'll get me back
On this website I will: *laugh at myself *laugh at others *laugh at rural momming *laugh at urban momming *mock the Stokke highchair *covet the Stokke highchair
Disclaimer: Let me say once for the record: like any mother I adore my own tot, think she is more brilliant, beautiful and gifted than yours, but this goes without saying. So I'm not going to say it (again). Rather, I vow to use my precious bloody-little time to talk about the more wretched and tricky aspects of momhood, pausing often to drown myself in a vat of self-pity and whining. Welcome!