Friday, October 3, 2008

Palinoscopy: Exclusive Crabmom-Sarah Palin Interview!

I am goshdarn excited to tell you that while Sarah Palin hasn't granted many media interviews she agreed to let me interview her candidly for my motherhood blog, so long as we avoided the topic of motherhood altogether and did not mention baby names even once. Here follows a transcript of that session:

Crabmommy: Ms. Palin, you only got your passport last year. But you have spoken of being able to see Russia from Alaska.

Sarah Palin: It's just right over the border.

C: Does seeing Russia sort of count as having traveled to another country? You know like "I've seen other parts of the world"?

SP: Absolutely, yup, yup.

C: So how do you see Russia—

SP: Well, Crabmommy, you just don't blink!

C: Because if you blink then you can't see it anymore?

SP: Absolutely!

C: If you make it to the White've got your Blackberry, your breast pump, and your nuclear button. How do you know which button to push at 3am?

SP: "All of 'em, any of 'em. You just don't—

C: —blink?

SP: Absolutely.

C: Do you feel qualified to make decisions about your own hairstyles as a VP?

SP: I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me: what is it exactly that the VP does every day?

C: What do you think of the race thus far? How confident are you?

SP: It is a very long race. Iron Dog is the longest race of its kind in the world. But Todd has won four times and as a family we are committed.

C: Seriously, things aren't looking so hot for you guys at the moment. How exactly is your team going to win?

SP: On a snowmobile. Iron Dog is like Iditarod, without the dogs.

C: With regard to dogs, if you had a pit bulls would you put lipstick on them, and if so what color?

SP: I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to you.

C: So you think raped women should pay for their own rape exams?

SP: Absolutely, yup, yup.

C: Do you think raped women sort of brought it on themselves then?

SP: Absolutely, yup, yup.

C: So what do you do if a rapist is coming at you?

SP: I just say "thanks, but no thanks."


Suz Broughton said...

Excellent interview! Well done CM! You were so lucky to get her. I hear she gives great hugs, too!

mommyknows said...

You're a hoot CM, yup yup.

Gray Matter Matters said...

Now who, I ask you, would rape a pit bull?

I could just listen to her for-ev-ah! You betcha.

Anonymous said...

Very cute, although I don't know a single Alaskan that would use the term "snowmobile". :) I never understood why it turned into a "snowmachine" once you got that far north!
*wink* *smile at the camera* *wave*

Lela said...

You are a very crabby mommy. Thank you!

Daisy said...

I love it. Just love it.

Anonymous said...

absolutely brilliant!!!!

kyouell said...

First time here and I definitely love you. Can't for the life of me remember how I found the link to this post. Probably a comment on OMSH's recent political posting. But maybe not. I've got 12 tabs open in Chrome and it's been that way for over a week. Who the heck knows.

Don't bother coming over to my blog, as I talk about Down syndrome, heart surgery, poopy diapers and preschool. Oh, and how I want a 3rd kid.

I'm looking forward to exploring your archives as your grumpiness seems really funny.