Monday, March 17, 2008

Why They Should Go to Boarding School at Age 3.5

Today Crabtot told me she was going to "boil" me. "In oil."

I can only think it derived from our DVD of Horton Hears a Who (the original animation, thank you very much) where the oppressors march the colony of Whoville off with the chant "Boil that dust speck, boil it, boil it..." Crabtot and I have often chanted along to that peculiarly delicious and sinister refrain...but not for a very long time.

The threat was preceded by intense hair-pulling (because Mom had come to pick her up from school, which she hates to leave) and a companion threat: "I'm going to break your sunglasses!"
Another one of late: "I'm not making you a birthday card...ever!!!"

Well you know what, poppet? I'm glad you love school. There are some schools where you can stay all day and all night too. Maybe if you keep up the good work you'll get to go to one of them.

Anyone else's kids dropped choice hostile nuggets lately?

14 comments:

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

agreed. and, as endless as my love is for my 4.2yr old, am i a horrible mother for enjoying the fact that, if necessary, the school can take him from 7am until 6pm mon-fri?

Stefanie said...

Longtime reader here delurking to let you know that when I grow up, I can only hope to live up to your role of best Acerbicwitmommy EVER! This post had me suppressing a serious giggle fit!

I love your blog!

Crabmommy said...

stefanie! welcome and thank you for your good words. xo

Scylla said...

My daughter has come out with some zingers. She is six going on sixteen, and she is really happy to tell me how miserable and awful I am.

"You are the worst...mother...ever!" says the girl who is told to clean her room, or eat her dinner, or whatever.

It's a fun job.... right?

tonypark said...

When I was a kid the worst threat, ever, was "I'm going to send you to boarding school."

Given that my school was run by sexually confused and repressed catholic brothers this was, indeed, a very valid threat, and my brother and I knew it from a tender age.

Use it. It works. And on the bright side, she'll soon tire of school.

PennyRoo said...

My 2.5 yo likes to say, "I'm going to break you."

Why yes, kiddo, yes you are.

bombaygirl said...

"You are BAD mommy. Go to TIMEOUT!"

Anonymous said...

How do you keep yourself from laughing? I guess it depends on your mood.

My son has started ranting while he throws a tantrum and I have to hide my face from him or he will just get more angry.

sugarandsnails said...

My 4-year-old has threatened to push a magic button and make a volcano erupt on me if I didn't Bring. Her. Toilet. Paper. Right. Now.

Crabmommy said...

pennyroo--I too am familiar with the threats of breakage.
sugarandsnails (good name!), that's hilarious! the volcano v-word isn't spoken in this house. Crabtot is terrified of volcanoes and we have to repeatedly assure that we live nowhere near volcanoes. never mind that Yellowstone, the great supervolcano of them all,is like, an hour's drive from here.

Snooty Primadona said...

Reading your blog, I just had a total epiphany. So, that's why my mother sent me away 40 years ago (or however many years, I forget). Hmmmm...

I'd love to say how I found you, but I just can't remember, lol.

As much as I hated boading school while there, I honestly have nothing but fond memories of the nuns rapping us on the hand with a ruler if we made a breach in etiquette. Seriously though, I went back for a reunion a few years ago (which I swore I'd never do) and it was very emotional for me. I didn't realize until that reunion how good the nuns were to us and how much they taught us about being decent human beings.

Something I fear, would never have been learned or even taught in my home. So, perhaps it's not all bad.

Anonymous said...

So hilarious. I don't have kids myself, but according to my mother (who's pretty trustworthy) I dropped a few gems on her and my father in my first four years. Her personal favorite? "I'm going to marry daddy when you die." Very nice.

Anonymous said...

"when i get my hands on you.... Im gonna put my feet all over you" apparently this was the most i dared to ever say to my mommy when i was that little. i cant wait to see what Little B has to say back to me.

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