Thursday, June 12, 2008

Grumpy, Frumpy, Lumpy

I just read my last post and realized how incredibly profound I can be on this blog. Since I have no pearls of domestic wisdom to toss your way today, I suggest you look elsewhere for entertainment. Like, perhaps, this episode from Offsprung TV's Motherhoodlum.

How as your week? Mine was lumpy! Lots of globbiness and roundness and general flubbiness after the sharpness of late.

For those of you seeking my usual Friday swagiciliousness, there shan't be any this weekend. I feel it's all getting to be a bit much, ya know? Let's bring this blog back to its roots! Let's get some venting on! Forget the free iron-on labels and whatnot. I mean, seriously, what kind of crabby blogger foists treats on readers every week? It's false advertising.

So this week, no. Next week, maybe. I still have swag to offer; I'm a momocrite. You know that. I *may* even make good on the last post's promise and offer a free set of shower caps for covering leftovers. So don't give up if you're here for the stuff. Hope springs eternal. Keep the faith, come back, and maybe next time you'll get luckier. Then again, maybe not.

What I can promise with more enthusiasm is a proper and much-belated set of notes on Crabcity, our new home, which I have been judging in ways both favorable and unfavorable for the last three months of serious and unremitting SAHMery. Soon enough I shall have tales of fascist liberalism, reports on abundant sightings of men en route to drumming circles, verbatim and compelling accounts of people debating micro-brews and bike paths, and a seriously sinister tale of passive aggression in motherhood. Fellow parent-peeps, every day of my life as a mother the following is reinforced: The uber-positive parenting cult is alive and flourishing in America (and, I'm quite sure everywhere else where middle class affluence resides). What is thing I call uber-positive parenting? It is a predominating culture in which all parents must behave in a proscribed manner towards their children and each other; in this cult there is no room for differentiation, irritation, negative thinking, imperfection, or any sort of defection from syrupy permissive-parenting camp. In this culture parents sublimate themselves entirely for their children and embrace what my new favorite author Hara Marano (Nation of Wimps) calls "pasteurized parenting," where everything is safe and nothing is ever difficult, ugly, or unpleasant for the child.

Okay so a globby flubby post without contours or definition. Whatevs, mon. Dunno about you, but I'm spent.

But before I expire completely from the sheer weight of being me, may I direct you to a charming tale of lumpiness and say give it up for the state of Georgia! Georgia is hosting a pregnant endangered male sea dragon, whatever that is, according to Yahoo news. I am actually too lazy to read the piece in its entirety even though I have a soft spot for silly things from the ocean depths. I will, however, say that were I to choose between reading that article and the one below it "Fecal Matter Found on Restaurant Lemon Slices," you can bet I will be reading about the knocked up seahorse. Seriously, why is that people call it news when there's a report on something unhygienic that happened in a restaurant? So you got a bit of fecal matter on your lemon. Bad luck? Yes. Breaking news? No. Useful information? Not at all. I mean what are we all meant to do, give up on restaurants or lemon slices? I say clean it up, shut up, sort the place out and above all, don't say a word.

Food for thought.


Alexis said...

Last week DH and I took the baby to the activity pool at the Y. A little boy (4-ish) came up to DH, smiled, said hello, and...splashed him in the face. It was funny the first time, less so the second, and just not cool the third. The mom was all the while smiling, encouraging the behavior. Then DH splashed back. Unfortunately, the kid thought that was fun, too, but at least DH didn't just stand there letting it happen.

I don't like to go around telling other people how to raise their kids, but if part of this positive parenting business involves not teaching your child boundaries, I worry that--and maybe this is hyperbole--we'll be raising a generation of sociopaths with no sense of accountability fir anything they do. I am going to hunt down "Nation of Wimps"; thanks for the heads up!

I can't WAIT to read about fascist liberalism! It was the dominant strain in the Bay Area ("that's great you bring your own bags to the market, but do you compost?") when I lived there, and it's fairly rampant in my current city as well.

By the by, as much as I love the chance to win free stuff, I for one look forward to more substantial content!

Connie said...

My week has been loud,frustrating and funny! We saw STOMP, tried to get a drink in SLC on a Sunday and my parents have been visiting. Fun times!

I'm not just here for the free stuff!

daniel kuntschik said...

Not here for the giveaways either. Yep, crabmommy, you´re right, that kind of parenting is also rampant in Argentina. Apart from being a mum I´m also a teacher, and we get to see the result of this kind of parenting! Three and four year olds who have absolutely no idea what boundaries are, have never ever had to wait their turn for anything and expect to be waited on hand and foot...Parent servitude to their kids can do so much harm, there are kids who won´t even try to put their jackets on alone. We find that we spend the first years of schooling teaching the kids basic behaviour. What does seem different here is that we are much less paranoid...nobody thinks twice about what the toys the kids play with are, they drink from garden hoses, share cups, use plastic baby bottles...until they are well over four in most cases (so crabtot would fit right in), play in the mud, etc. etc and they seem to survive quite well. My daughters are eight and five and show no ill effects from this lack of paranoia!
Cheers, Sheryl

kpmac said...

I'm with all the others in not coming for the swag, as lovely as it all is. Looking forward to all of the upcoming posts.

My week was simmering. It was hot and humid, and I spent time with a sibling who openly criticized my parenting on several occasions. I almost boiled, but the visit ended just in time.

I bought the Nation of Wimps book on your recommendation. I'm looking forward to starting it.

Emily L. said...

Swag?! Wtf, we're here for crabmommy's charm.

Such an earnest topic- parenting. But let's get down to the nitty gritty, did something happen at preschool? Has crabtot been brainwashed? Has she begun to believe the "we all make choices" BS? Did crabmommy have to refuse the parent participation may pole dance invitation?

Woops, I am just too happy on this F-Day! Happy to have overheard a stream of screech from sass-tot towards Dad. That's what he gets for negotiating with terrorists!

Fall From Grace said...

My week was a blur. In fact, I'm still trying to catch up. So I guess it was streaky. (think animated motion lines as my week zoomed past).

I've been complimented on my children's manners and polite phone comportment many times even though I think that since moving here some months ago their manners have... slipped. erm.

...I don't like to go around telling other people how to raise their kids...

oh! I don't either, Alexis. but I lurrrve to gossip about it to other mommies! esp Home and School mommies! Now those are some fun hotdog and milk lunch prep mornings!

And just to chime in on the swag: anyone who has kids doesn't need more stuff. We likely have enough stuff. Well, okay, everyone needs those hedgehogs. And a piggie sweater with a tail. Maybe one of those gorgeous blankets. But really, we're here so we can crab vicariously with you, dear heart.

Anonymous said...

I found your blog awhile ago and am definetly not here for the free stuff. I like your outlook. I am also a teacher like one of your other commentors and we do see the downside of the positive parenting. It drives me insane when I'm working with a child and another comes up and just starts talking. I yanked a privilidge from a child one day and our VP asked me if I was ready to deal with the mom. My exact comment was "anyday anytime" ...seriously, "was I ready to deal with the mom". I obviously had a valid reason. As a societly so many people are afraid for children to feel consequences, but in all honesty that just leaves them open to becoming crappy adults. Keep up your honesty...I love it!

Carolyn said...

Good grief! My husband steered me to your blog. We are moving from beloved Portland to his hometown of Jackson Hole in about two months. Am I doomed to be surrounded by a bevvy of too-cheery moms? I need a little cynicism, and sarcasm in my dient, ESPECIALLY as a parent!

I'm with you on the lemon slices. Gotta eat a peck of dirt before you die.

Crabmommy said...

Gals! Thank you for your lovely fortifying comments. I am glad and lucky to have you; it truly is an honor to parent (crabbily) beside you, if virtually, and lackadaisically, and all. Seriously I am very grateful to hear voices of reason in the wilderness. or at least, some chuckles and snorts at all the seriousness and banality with which so much of modern momming is saturated,

Carolyn, fret not: you will find and root out your compatriots no matter how small the town nor fit the womenfolk (and where you are going, they are fit, to be sure). Even in the sunniest of places, there are always voices of wryness, and lassies to chuckle with when momming gets too intense or overly falsely chipper...Even Crabmommy can say she was heartened to find some quality gals by the time she quit Crabtown even if the early days proved dry on that front (hence the beginning of this blog). Laugh extra loudly and the worthy ones will hear you!

tonypark said...

The Swag does nothing for me (and I mean that, most sincerely), however after checking the cookie blog I'd quite like a "think spot".

It might help me remeber where I put my short term memory.

Karen said...

My week was woBbLy. First week with both boys at home. Need I say more?