Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Randomommy: Sharp

It's been quite a sharp week. Sometimes I have a fuzzy week. Other times, it may be pointy. Like so:

1. Chicks, don't you hate those girls who complain of scratchy leg hair when theirs is but a downy birdfuzz of legfloss after months of cultivation? While shaving my legs this week I realized the following: my own leg hair is so sharp that when confronted with a razor blade, the stubble shaves it right back. Anyhoo. On Wednesday I went to the drugstore in search of fresh razor blades, but in the face of all the blade options, I forgot what kind of razor I have. There are also these quite massive triple-quadruple hot-pink lady-blades and then the minty green ones and the ones shaped all weird and thick and complete with suction cup, like an octopus's tentacle. I am convinced there is a razor industry conspiracy to dazzle people into confusion regarding their razor model, so that this way they start with a new razor every time they go to the blades. It's just too overwhelming otherwise, too much effort to remember what you're actually looking for.

2. Took Crabtot for new family treat: bus into downtown, to meet Dad for lunch. Dad took us to a swell place, where we were served by a friendly mannish lady with those weird round metal discs people wear inside their earlobe these days, on this side of the country in particular. More to the pointy, she had an artichoke tattooed on her chest, flesh spikes coming out of her collar. Crabtot got mad because she wanted clinky ice in her water then didn't want clinky ice in her water. Mom's voice turned sharp. The event went sideways and turned everyone prickly. We left with a wailing, flailing tot gnashing her teeth and making as if to bite me.

3. On our regular walk around the neighborhood Crabtot and I came to a small tree that we quite enjoy. Sort of like a mini-cypress. Uptight, upright. We decided to name it. I wanted to call it Shampiqua, which is the name I for no reason assign to most everything these days that needs a name. Crabtot decided to call it Shot instead, on account of its perfect spikiness.

4. Crabtot has an actual shot tomorrow. This caps a spiky week. I saved the worst for last, though: a few days ago the wee lass decided to sharpen her finger with my pencil sharpener, no doubt tantalized by my dire hypermommy warnings of what might ensue, should she ever choose to do something so freaky and destructive. She ferreted the pencil sharpener out of its hiding place and gave her finger a tentative little tweak down that dark mysterious corridor that until now, only her pencils had known. The damage wasn't bad. A bit of blood is always a thrill to a small person anyway. And the incident reminded me of my friend, Natasha, and her little brother who saw her shaving in the bath and asked her why she was sharpening her legs.

What kind of week are you having? Is it round? Flat? Sharp? Is it pinkish?

And may I direct those who feel so inclined to my latest bloglet post, focusing on A Nation of Wimps, the brilliant excoriation of ubermommy culture by psychologist Hara Estroff Marano.



13 comments:

Michelle said...

Mine has been absolutely flat. I just found your blog via Mom Reality and I love it! Thanks for giving me yet another blog to keep up with daily :)

Crabmommy said...

michelle,
Mom Reality? c'est quoi? Ah, but if it leads you to Crabmommy then it must be super-swell. I try to keep it real here. that is, when I'm not lying. Welcome!

kim said...

Birthday party last saturday ...parents up this saturday. I don't know if you'd call that pokey or pink, but it smells a lot like windex and pine-sol. Love your blog by the way. It helps to bring me back to reality when I get to feeling a bit too much like Martha Stewart.

Andromeda said...

HAHA! i totally posted about my hairy legs too this week! i also considered writing an open letter to men and razor companies on behalf those of us with hair so thick a fresh shave lasts until we get out of the shower and hit with a cool breeze. nice to know others are just as frustrated as me!

Rachel said...

Tapered. We started off sharp and Oh-good-Lord-kill-me-now and we've ended with a clean house, a cleared schedule for the weekend and a happy kid. So, it's more of a blunt, squishy week by now, therefore tapered. But seriously, sharp isn't so bad when you can see the squishy coming.

Rachel said...

I forgot to mention: I had the same quandry about razors until a friend gave me a piece of advice I live by today. Buy the same razor as your husband. Then, buy replacements in bulk. Never had a problem remembering since.

CDJ said...

Mine has been round because I feel like I've been going around in circles. How many timse can one person call up utilities to set up and change orders?

jennifer said...

i am coming to adore your blog. it is becoming a staple in my week, which since you asked happens to have been rather wave-like. up and down and splish and splash. still holding my breath and searching for land.

Connie said...

My week has been rocky. We are considering a move to Minnesota.

The Hubster is worried about the snow and cold. I told him to buy a jacket for crying out loud!

Wussy. Anything is better than Utah.

Connie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sheryl y Daniel said...

frozen week. Unlike you luckies in the northern hemisphere, we are heading into winter. And when you live in Ushuaia (southernmost tip of South America) Winter is serious business. Started with snow, then sleet now everything frozen solid, and two bored tots cause it is too early to ski and to late to cycle. Love your blog. Found it about a week ago and have read all the back posts. Love em!
Sheryl

Crabmommy said...

Rachel, how true: sharp isn't so bad when you can see the squishy coming. cdj: been there. and again. and again...and around again.
sheryl--I welcome you from far and south. connie, with you on utah. i know both mn and ut and mn over ut any day for me.

tonypark said...

Ah, the great razor con. I wish I'd thought of that one as a random observation.

Same goes for blokey razors. I currently have two gillette sensor xcel (let us not get started on the ridiculousness of some product names), and two unused packs of schick zoom-smooth-baby-bum-balloon blades.

Why? Because I can never remember which blade goes with which razor and which razor I actually own. And they all look the same. And they all cost, like $21 for a pack of blades. And back-of-the-neck-chick-down would defeat a disposable razor.

CM, you have touched such a raw nerve I need to sit down and have a beer to calm my nerves.

Well done, you thought-provoking crustacean. Y'all have made me realised what a self-indulgent, self-absorbed (though reasonably successful self-pomoting) blog mine has become.