Wednesday, May 21, 2008

When Crabtot Grows Up She Wants to Be...

..a pregnant teenager.

That's what she told me. It was my fault. I was watching Juno on Netflix. In the middle of the day. Like a good mother. And Crabtot was meant to be having quiet time in her room, but she came to my room and I was too lazy to send her away. So she watched. And when that preggers Juno became visibly more rounded, she asked me how old the girl was. I tried to tell her that Juno was actually almost a grownup. But Crabtot knows a teen when she sees one.

"Is she having a baby?" she asked me.

I stumbled my way through that conversation. And the next day, while I was driving (which is when she tells me her most pressing pieces of info, knowing just how well I can NOT properly listen when driving), my three-year-old tells me she wants to be a knocked-up teen.

"That's a shame," I say (not knowing quite why I'm saying any of this to someone who believes that having a baby happens when you 'eat a baby seed'..but I feel somehow compelled to begin the don't-get-knocked-up speech anyway). "When you have a baby you can't do lots of fun things! Like go to school. And take vacations. And play with your friends."

To which she replied: "But when I have my baby I'm going to leave it with Mom and Dad and then go on vacation!"

Now that's what you call "planned parenthood."

Freebie, this weekend, of note: the most delicious and amazing weatherproof baby blanket so cute you will definitely murder your own self with joy if you win it. Also today at the bloglet a story about me and bottles and why Crabtot still has one and probably will until she's 25, SO COME AND GET ME, PERFECT URBAN MOMMIES!

Any good birds and bees stories from you lot? Are you full-on biological correctness at your crib or more euphemistically inclined?


Bunny B said...

LOL! What a cute story! She's got it all figured out ;) Smart CrabTot

Mary Anna said...

Isn't it amazing how perceptive kids can be - and how they show it in the car, of all places. That's my son's confessional chamber, of sorts.

PinksandBluesGirls said...

That is too funny. Can you imagine how kids are!? They pick up everything and are such sponges!! Great post!
- Audrey

Daisy said...

Oh, so funny! My "kids" are old enough to know better...I hope. I sent a package of condoms to my daughter (age 21) at her college apt. She told me, "Mom, you don't teach Sex Ed. any more. Stop." She's right; there's a reason I moved out of teaching Big Kids!

Unknown said...

When my 7 year old daughter asked me how the male horse gets the sperm in the female horse, I decided it was time to have "the talk". A VERY minimalisic version of the facts, that is. When I was finished she looked up at me with tears in her eyes and said, "How long does it take, and WHAT IF HE IS FAT?"

Anonymous said...

haha ... better pregnant than a junkie.

I've got one grown and just three to go! AHHH

MK xo

Anonymous said...

I have an unorthodox birds and bees story-- my big brother explaining to my little brother why "69!" was a punchline in a movie:
"You know about the birds and bees, right? Well... sometimes they're flying along, and a big gust of wind comes, and someone catches a stinger in the mouth."

Anonymous said...

Freaking HILARIOUS!!! Don't worry, next week she'll want to be a garbage collector or something equally glamourous. It's all relative.

When my oldest was 3-1/2 and her infant sister was just a few months old, I had just obtained my first (and to this day ONLY) tattoo. Around the same time I had picked up my old pre-pregnancy smoking habit (times were tough!!).

My dearest child of cherubic face and impish grin said to me one afternoon, "When I grow up I'm going to wear big black boots, get a tattoo and smoke cigarettes!!"
I'm not sure where the boots came into play.

I quit smoking very shortly after that.

She's 9 now and has decided fake tattoos are the way to go.