Monday, April 6, 2009

So That Dental College Job...

As I mentioned in my last post, I attempted to beat out the masses for a job teaching English at a dental college. I tried every other institution of higher learning in my town in the last year, looking for supplemental income, and so I thought I'd go to the institutions of lower learning this year, after the death of my Cookie magazine blog, also known as "the bloglet."

Some of you may recall that Crabmommy has done a fair bit of teaching when not occupied by blogs and such. And I must say, for some reason I thought the dental college gig would be mine without question and that finally my Ivy league grad school would step up to the plate and bat for me! I even fantasized that I could march right into that dental school with "Dude Where's My Comma?"--the class I created to teach grammar to Crabtown high schoolers (remember that one, old faithfuls?)--and just regurgitate my own prior coursework onto this new crop of dentally inclined people. Alas, someone screwed me over!! Someone snatched my dream away from me! Someone else was chosen over me! I don't know who, but the gig was "very competitive," so HR told me when I huffily inquired as to the status of my app. I am seriously ticked off. Who beat me?

I think it was Jonathan Franzen.

Seriously, it probably was. This is a city of unemployed writers. We are all begging to teach writing in the context of dental hygiene. I am pretty sure I saw Chuck Palahniuk interviewing for a job at Trader Joe's!

Depressing stuff. We had a sweetly pre-summer day here in the Pacific Northwest, but I feel old today. And melancholic. It is the end of an era. Last year seems so long ago. We all had it so good, people! The world seemed so full of promise back when I complained for a living! What a happy time that was! But now Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin have broken up and soon Jonathan Franzen will be teaching hygienists-in-training how to differentiate between "its" and "it's" for tooth chart purposes. Talk about a Corrections.

And y'all? And y'all's kids?

13 comments:

mommyknows said...

It's the perfect time to write a book.

The Mother said...

I have never taught at a dental college. I roomed with a dental student once, though, and they didn't have an English class. So it might not have been such a glamorous job, after all.

I once took a part time job teaching anatomy at a physical therapy college. Does that count?

cathy said...

Yes, yes! A book! Pour your melancholy onto the page for us all to enjoy.

The dental college doesn't even realize what it passed up. Good luck in the job hunt!

Alexis said...

Okay, so let me be a really big Debbie Downer. Here's a list of canceled jobs in English literature: http://academicjobs.wikia.com/wiki/EnglishLiterature_2009-2010
My theory is that all those PhD students who would normally look down their noses at say, Phoenix University teaching jobs (hi, me!) are now applying for those positions. So, not only are English PhDs not getting jobs, but now people with MAs that normally could feel secure-ish in finding adjunct work are getting screwed. Rough stuff. I gave up on the Phoenix University job when I got the "interview" via email. It just exhausted me to look it over. Plus, I think it paid $1100 a semester. Hell, no!

crabmommy said...

Alexis: 1100 beats the 900 I earn teaching sporadic writing workshops for a well-known online institution that specializes in recruiting smart hard-up peeps. Shit, maybe I'll GO to dental college and just start anew.

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Crabmommy, don't be sad. Jonathan Franzen would be a hard one to beat. He's probably had a retainer and all sorts of corrective experiences.

Jerseygirl89 said...

Well, since Jonathan took your job, I think you should write his next book. Just to be fair.

Also, I recently lost a tutoring job because I "only" have a master's in teaching reading. It's ugly world out there.

Alexis said...

You know, my downstairs neighbor is a dental hygienist. And you know what else? She has a job! Of course the qualifier applies: for now.

crabmommy said...

A LAwyer Mom:
hee hee! You always crack me up.

FogCity Mama said...

You would be a brilliant author! Turn your blog posts into a book, and it'll be grand.
Stupid economy. So sorry to hear about Cookie letting your blog go. This was the only reason I read it, ever.

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