Monday, March 30, 2009

Not Dead, Just Hibernating

"You should have given me a nicer punishment!" Crabkid crabbed at me last night when I beat her with a stick or whatever it was I did as negative reinforcement for impishness.

That's the only parenting-related line I can think of that is worth sharing with you today, my friends. It certainly gave me a chuckle.

I've never taken a 3-week hiatus from this blog before. Nor have I written the kind of post I'm writing today. Which basically has no content. Nor much in the way of juicy phrases. Nor pithy anecdotes, whiny musings, nor sage/sassy pronouncements on parenting of any sort.

Y'alls, I'm just finished in my head. The head is empty. There is nothing there. Plus we was away. See? I can't even conjugate verbs anymore! We was at my sister's wedding. Crabkid got to wear gold shoes and attend ski school, which she tells me she will never attend again. A day of ski school absorbed the last of Crabhubby's 401K fund. Oh, well.

If you're looking for a less mentally flaccid Crabmommy, I will, for the penultimate time in my life, direct you to the bloglet where you can hear about my swimming in a community pool en famille. I got a way-intense wedgie up my left butt-cheek on account of swirling around in a furious whirpool. Yes, this is the second-to-last time I will direct you to the bloglet, for I have been downsized and after this week there will be no more bloglet, no more second blog at Cookie.

We can't say we didn't see it coming. Perhaps it was long overdue. Still, it will be hard to replace that gig so I'm fretting. It will be hard to fight over a secretarial job at a dental school with the rest of the city. We will all beat each other about the ears with our transcripts from Ivy league grad schools. But I have a foreign accent! And if that doesn't work, I can make a strange chicken sound from the back of my throat which I have honed since childhood and which I have been told is most unusual and impressive.

And how goes it wit' you?

13 comments:

The Strazisars said...

Sorry to hear about The Cookie gig, but you are fantastic writer and will find something equally as fantastic!

OmegaMom said...

Well, bummer! I'm sorry the Cookie gig is going away.

tonypark said...

That sucks.

Wendopolis said...

That's a real shame. :-(

Moogie said...

I'm sorry about the Cookie gig. That's rough. I know you will find something soon with the talent for writing that you have.

KMed said...

Sorry about the Cookie gig (stupid economy!). I have two suggestions:
1. Parenting Book!
2. Does Gwennie need ghost posters over at her blog?

SjS said...

I agree with KMEd - Parenting Book! That would be awesome!

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

So Cookie's out of dough, eh? Too bad. But at least you guys made it out of the slopes alive, she said, selfishly. Because now we'll get you all to ourselves.

mommyknows said...

Oh CM! I sorry about the Cookie dough, but you're too darn witty and smart for them anyway.

"Good riddance to bad rubbish", is what I say.

I'd say you're better suited to 'Bitch' Magazine.

amy said...

Hello from another very recently-downsized magazine writer in the same fair rainy city as yours (if such city is indeed the one between seattle and eugene, as I'm guessing). Sorry to hear about the Cookie gig, I've enjoyed reading your blog.

See you at the dental school secretarial pool. You'll know me from my useless Berkeley grad school diploma drooping limply from my hand.

Dan & Olga said...

First Domino mag goes, now Crabby Mom blog? Really sorry to hear it, please be in touch if you need anything! Olga

Alexis said...

CM and Amy: Does this mean I will be competing with you for that freshman comp course at Phoenix University?
These times they is rough, indeed.

crabmommy said...

So the dental school gig went to someone else--they told me it was "very competitive." As for Phoenix, Alexis and co,. I have tried Phoenix before and didn't get too far with it even though my teaching credentials are pretty good. Or maybe I just lost interest. I can't remember--those processes of applying are so agonizing and ridiculous.

Luckily I have been able to teach at a more esteemed online writing school for the grand total of $900 (12 weeks--VERY intensive, MFA required...). Oh how green that Cookie pasture looks from here!