Sunday, February 17, 2008

Random Observations 1: Let's Talk About Toast

Welcome to my new series, Random Observations. I find being a p/t housewife to be an occupation in which many curious but random observations come my way. To most of the world these might not be newsworthy. But to other housewives or housepeople or unemployed people or people who simply spend a lot of time in their houses looking at the way the light comes in through the blinds and lights up the dust particles, these will not only resonate as extraordinarily fascinating observations but perhaps—I hope—they will resonate as deeply familiar experiences. Perhaps you will read what I'm writing and realize that even in our most ordinary solo lives, we share moments of common humanity that unite us all! And so I aim for this series to recount the sort of anecdotes in which you will react with "Ah! Me too!" as well as "But this is so utterly trivial that I can't believe you're blogging about it! My God, woman, don't you have laundry to do?"

Cataloguing random Household Experiences (incidental) to reach out to random Housewifely People (transcendental) thereby also amusing myself (monumental). It's a two-pronged goal.

Random Observation #1, without further ado:

I am always on a quest to find a good healthful* bread for my family, so I tried a new bread today. It looked to be nutty and nutritious. But by God was it ever WEIRD.

The bread was so damn chewy I could not chew it.
On examining the label it appears the loaf contained flax seed.
I have heard that flax seed promotes chewiness but my jaw now aches.
It was just SO SPRINGY!
I have never had such a bouncy piece of toast.
It was like a spring-loaded mini-mattress in my mouth.
The bread is called California Lifestyle.

*For those of you questioning my use of "healthful" over "healthy" remember that I am a grammarmama. It isn't for nothing that I taught the high school grammar course "Dude Where's My Comma?" last year (okay, that was for nothing)! Back to healthy vs. healthful: "Healthful" means the thing you're describing is good for YOU. But "healthy" bread? That would be bread that has just had a physical and told it has nothing wrong with its organs. That would be bread that is unlikely to have a heart attack anytime soon. Got it? Good.

Do you have a Random Observation to share? If so, please do! And remember you can also always email me at: crabmommy at gmail dot com (spelled out to send away the spam robots! GO AWAY, ROBOTS!)

This week at Crabmommy's bloglet: In my mini-column Rude Mommy I will be attacking those moms who have second-baby baby showers held in their honor. Complete with registries.


Anonymous said...

Why does healthy toast get funny faces and glazed munchkins get a happy quiet morning and no butter,jelly toaster mess???!!!

Crabmommy said...

Um, tiredmommy, I think you do need some rest.

Anonymous said...

Tiredmommy, are you drunk?


tonypark said...

As a stay-at-home father-of-none freelancer I can relate to random observations.

Your breakfast finding reminded me of something I've been meaning to share with the world, but until now had no suitable forum.

I eat hi-fibe weetbix (is there a US equivalent?) which has lots of little round lumps of something in it. These, I believe, are the healthy bits.

The only problem is that they don't bind well with the rest of each weetbick (singular?) and tend to fall out and drop to the bottom of the box.

I think this means that the last row of weetbix is particularly good for me (as I scoop up the all the fallen little round bits).

Weetbix tastes like soggy cardboard at the best of times, so I think that for the first three layers (about two out of three weeks' worth of breakfast) I am simply eating pulp and getting no health benefit.

skape7 said...

I put flax seed in the dry food mix for Miss T's guinea pigs! They love it, but then, chewing is their job.

Also, I vow to use the word "healthful" at least seven times tomorrow and I'm soooo hoping someone questions me about it.

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

i love you, grammarmama.

Crabmommy said...

adoring you right back, mofm! Tony, that is a delicious Random Observation and I am very pleased you shared it here. I hope you continue to enjoy a healthful breakfast. One week out of every month. Skape7, please DO use healthful as much as poss. It may sound silly but dammit it's correct!

Pippin Party said...

Chewy bread...sounds delish!

I actually love to make my own fresh, hot out of oven, YUMMY!

I am sure I will be back with random observations...very random.

iggy said...

random observation #416:

since i started doing my stay-at-home time with the 6-month old, i've noticed that our place has been housing a variety of other residents. every room has its own little population that has the audacity to come out even when i'm there!!!

let's see. the office, where i'm currently writing this: a healthy colony of gnats. and by healthy, i mean, they're not having a heart attack any time soon. in fact, every time i seem to kill one, another shows up a second later.

bathroom (hold on, got a gnat in my eye....). ok, where were we...ok, bathroom. the three shelf plants are being used as a dorm for baby spiders. they hang off the plants on a single thread, curled up in a ball, and when i accidentally touch one, they uncurl into a 256-legged tarantulas.

kitchen: the fruitflies have paired up with the gnats from upstairs. little bastards are having a party outside the garberator.

well, i supposed the upside to all this is that i'm not completely alone (baby included).

happy day.

Anonymous said...

Don’t grade my grammar.

Crabmommy said...

Indeed staying home with a wee one can bring one into much closer contact with nature in all its glory. I too realized that until hanging out chez moi with Crabtot I had never really noticed the lives of anyone other than humans. Sometimes I also realize how similar my life is to the spiders who lurk near the corners of my front door: we are all just hanging by a thread in one way or another.